Originally posted here: https://fetlife.com/users/624588/posts/3190578
I believe that it is in the best interest of the fetish community to embrace all sexual orientations and all kinds of perversions. This means that the right approach for individuals (at least in a social context) is tolerance towards everything. The fact that your kink is not my kink does not in any way imply that your kink is superior to my kink. Being into any kind of kink and at the same time disapproving of some other kink is inherently pharisaic. Claims that there is no true such-and-such, or that the only true such-and-such is so-and-so, are generally indicative of severe narrow-mindedness. Even worse than that, voicing them in a social context is bad for the community as a whole.
To make it even more plain, in case someone failed to understand, the reason why we do BDSM is because we are perverts, and that’s what floats our boat; it is not because of some stuck up notion such as male superiority or female superiority. Attempts to justify one’s kink as anything but a perversion, by associating it with some supposedly natural tendency, are patently stupid from square one, because they are tantamount to suggesting that all other kinks are unnatural.
I find BDSM to be an essential spice of life, and I hear it calling my name, but I am also perfectly capable of living a more or less normal life enjoying mostly vanilla sex. I don’t have the time, nor the interest, to live the so-called 24/7 BDSM lifestyle, because I also happen to have other interests in life, and frankly, I do not find it fulfilling enough to be consumed with an activity which a) only caters to the senses and b) is largely non-social. Of course, I am not judging anyone here; I am just stating my preferences. If the 24/7 lifestyle appeals to you, that’s wonderful and praiseworthy. But as a 24/7 partner, I would probably come across as rather uninvolved, and bore you silly. (How would you like being chained to the kitchen sink and being _literally_ forgotten there?)
I find a considerable part of the iconography of BDSM highly stimulating, in contrast to vanilla iconography, which leaves me indifferent or makes me yawn. However, I must also say that I find a great deal of the BDSM iconography to be of bad taste, and an alarmingly high percentage of it actually makes me want to puke. Of the three words that constitute the “Safe, Sane and Consensual” motto, I think the one understood the least is the “Sane” part. Again, I am not passing judgment here: whatever floats your boat, as long as you are not harming anyone, but I hope you won’t mind if I just look the other way, okay?